Recognizing that I was working my nonprofit job in two phases did not stop me from halting the destructive behavior even though my mental and physical capabilities were stretched to the limit. More than a little peeved and a lot worn out, they pulled the plug for me instead. Otherwise, I might have continued the self-sabotaging behavior until I collapsed.
At issue was that I worked my office hours — Phase 1 — from 8:00 am to 4:30 pm, and then when I got home, I worked for several hours on Phase 2 of my job: Items that I could not get done during Phase 1. These were mostly social media posts that for some reason I decided that the parents and staff members, of the program we operated at the time, would be so disappointed if they did not see their children and the events from that day on our social media page that same day.
We had more than 15 centers. I was exhausted.
Also — if there was a priority or a major project, outside of social media, it was an automatic all-nighter. But I never had time to reimburse and replenish myself for the lost sleep, and it impacted my peace and my productivity. It became a viscous cycle.
Any of this sound familiar?
I had gone beyond burning the candle at both ends.
In years that followed, I realized that the serious health issues I endured could be traced back to this stressful behavior, which also included playing small.
The problem: I had no boundaries in place. I had thrown caution to the wind, and gone into battle without armor.
Once I accepted my dilemma and faced the truth, I took baby steps to peace and productivity. I realized that the world would not end if the social media posts did not get posted on the same day of the events. That alone was so freeing in itself that it is almost embarrassing to admit that I allowed myself to fall under a flawed belief system. It was like I had been under a spell or something.
I also set priorities. Even today I falter, and even fall, like everyone does in life, but I have learned that you are not alone and all you have to do is get back up. Always have loved the Japanese proverb: Fall down seven, stand up eight.
And I left that job.
What helped me were two books by Dr. Henry Cloud: Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life and Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward. Today, and always, both serve as my lifelines and library companions.
Dr. Cloud so aptly noted: “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.”
I am still learning to set boundaries. Make no mistake: It is an ongoing process, and you simply have to decide that it is a priority for both success and survival. Honestly, having or not having boundaries will determine your path on whether you make it or not.
Recently I found a gem, What Your Clutter Is Trying to Tell You: Uncover the Message in the Mess and Reclaim Your Life, in my audible membership collection and have ordered a paperback copy of as well. I had no idea how much clutter can impact boundaries, and vice versa. When you clear clutter, you set boundaries and eliminate bad habits in the process — ensuring greater success.
I close with ten recommendations each that will help you to set boundaries in place and enhance your business, career and personal life. They are courtesy of ChatGPT. And utilizing the platform made me wonder: Does AI have boundaries in place? I believe so. When it does not is when its system breaks down and we get glitches as a result. Case in point: For several days, a week or so ago, it could not generate images, but was able to do other tasks if I wanted.
Therefore, human or nonhuman, we all need boundaries, and the sooner we implement them, the better:
BUSINESS BOUNDARIES
1. Define Work Hours: Set clear office hours and avoid answering work-related questions outside of those hours.
2. Delegate Tasks: Know when to delegate and let others handle tasks that aren't within your core focus.
3. Limit Client Interactions: Establish guidelines for communication with clients, such as response times and preferred communication channels.
4. Say No to Unnecessary Commitments: Avoid overcommitting to projects that don't align with your goals or values.
5. Create a “No Interruptions” Zone: Set aside time each day to focus on deep work without distractions or meetings.
6. Create a “Buffer Time” Between Tasks: Schedule time between meetings or projects to prevent burnout and improve focus.
7. Protect Your Intellectual Property: Set clear terms around the use of your ideas and creative work to avoid unauthorized usage.
8. Set Expectations for Feedback: Establish how and when you will receive feedback, and ensure it’s constructive.
9. Limit Social Media Engagement: Set boundaries on the amount of time you spend on social media, especially when it’s unrelated to business.
10. Create Payment Terms: Define payment terms and stick to them to avoid misunderstandings and cash flow issues.
1. Set Clear Work-Life Balance: Create designated times for career responsibilities and personal life to avoid burnout.
2. Say No to Extra Work: Politely turn down additional work that interferes with your personal time or adds unnecessary stress.
3. Set Limits on Availability: Establish boundaries for your availability, especially if you work from home, to prevent overwork.
4. Speak Up for Yourself: Advocate for your needs at work, whether it's regarding workload, compensation, or career progression.
5. Set Expectations Around Professionalism: Define the level of professionalism you expect in communication and interactions.
6. Take Regular Breaks: Prioritize taking breaks throughout your day to refresh and avoid mental exhaustion.
7. Manage Email Expectations: Set a specific time each day to check and respond to emails, instead of constantly checking them throughout the day.
8. Limit Personal Socializing at Work: While it’s important to have social connections, limit unnecessary personal chats that may distract from your work.
9. Clarify Your Job Responsibilities: Regularly review your job description and adjust boundaries if responsibilities start to spill over into personal time.
10. Know When to Leave: Set clear expectations with your employer or clients about your work hours and avoid the temptation to stay late or work weekends.
PERSONAL LIFE BOUNDARIES
1. Learn to Say No: Practice saying no to invitations or requests that don’t align with your personal values or priorities.
2. Set Time for Yourself: Schedule regular “me-time” to recharge, whether it's for self-care, hobbies, or relaxation.
3. Limit Emotional Labor: Set boundaries around emotional labor, ensuring that you're not overextending yourself in relationships.
4. Be Clear About Your Needs: Communicate openly with family, friends, and romantic partners about your needs and limits.
5. Respect Your Own Time: Prioritize your personal commitments and don’t let others overtake your schedule without notice.
6. Set Personal Health Boundaries: Establish routines for physical and mental health, including exercise, nutrition, and rest.
7. Avoid Toxic Relationships: Set boundaries with people who drain you or negatively affect your well-being.
8. Set Social Media Boundaries: Limit your social media use to avoid comparisons, distractions, and negativity.
9. Prioritize Family and Friends: Schedule quality time with loved ones, ensuring that your personal relationships are nurtured.
10. Create Boundaries Around Financial Expectations: Set limits on lending money, supporting family members, or taking on financial responsibilities.
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To ensure my ongoing success, I joined Connie Ragen Green’s mentoring program and Angela Wills’ FreedomPreneurs. Having mentors is your life is vital to your success!
And most of all, I decided to stop playing small. That included having the right mindset, which Angela talks about in her Unbreakable Mindset course. She also recommends Secrets of the Millionaire Mindset: Mastering the game of Inner Wealth. And while we all would love to become millionaires, the books provides invaluable advice on why you think and do as you have been all of your life, and moreover, how to move forward no matter what you want to achieve. You do not have to choose a seven-figure income. You can also opt for peace and productivity. These resources will assist in your journey.
Here’s to your success to putting as many of boundaries in place as you can! Please note that you do not have to do them all at once. You can choose to do one or just a few each month. Move forward at your own pace. And that is the key to success: Action!
To our journey together!
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I’m Ruth Anita Foote, an award-winning journalist, historian, author, and online entrepreneur — passionate about helping you enhance your business, career, and lifestyle. Whether you need writing, editing, research, or online business development, I’m here to support your growth. My goal is to empower you to elevate your success and make a lasting impact in your field. You can connect to all my social media platforms through Linktr.ee
