Her words hung in the air. And hovered over us in loud silence. They were deafening. You really wished that she had never uttered them because you were floored — you were not sure how to react. Who on earth admits to such a thing? And yet, the student worker made the statement as if stating a mere fact — as if she were not upset or even embarrassed by the words she said.
But we were. We were embarrassed.
And feeling awkward. And awful. No one had ever said anything like that to us. Surely, not to me. I had heard “I wish I had more friends” or “I wish I had better friends” before. But never before had I heard “I have no friends.”
Once she said it, we knew, at least I did, the words could never be taken back.
And in doing so, she forced us to deal with them. We could have pretended she had not said them, or that we had not heard them. And continue our journey, step by step, in silence in the spacious campus union.
But the silence was deafening.
And so I desperately tried to reach for a response. From within.
I did not want to blurt out anything stupid. Nor did I want to stutter as I summoned a response. I was dumbfounded in trying to think of one and to assess her statement at the same time. Wasn’t she embarrassed? Something within said that she was not the least bit embarrassed. So why was I? I was not sure how the professor, who accompanied us, felt. But I knew that I felt the student’s pain and anguish that she had obviously normalized over the years.
What had forced us into this awkward moment in time had been a simple offer, a kind gesture, by the professor. Earlier I had yielded not unto temptation when the professor had offered me the scrumptious-looking cupcakes — leftovers from an earlier conference workshop. Back in the day, I would not have hesitated to accept them even though I was mostly a potato chips girl. There were exceptions, of course: Hershey Kisses and M&Ms.
But on that fateful day, as the student worker guided us to the correct elevator for the conference roundtable discussion upstairs, the professor extended the box of delights to her, and said, “Here, this is for you and your friends.” You could see from the clear packaging, there were plenty of cupcakes left.
But the student worker had refused to accept the simple offer, the kind gesture, and had instead replied, “I have no friends.”
Her deafening words reverberated in silence.
Somehow from somewhere, I’m not quite sure, I shattered the loud silence, “Yes, yes you do,” I said. “You have yourself, and you’re the best friend you’ll ever have.”
Who said that? I wanted to look around. Had the words actually come out of my mouth?
In the days, weeks, and months ahead, and even now, I thought about that fateful day and the student worker’s words as we walked down the corridor in the large state-of-the-art student union, which I wished could have existed in my day. I thought about her unsettling remarks, and second-guessed my response to her. At the time, I really wanted to reach out and hug her even though she did not look like she needed — or wanted — a hug. She really did not seem cognizant of what I considered for want of a better description: her friendless folly.
And while I was grateful I had said something, I found myself wishing I had said more. Shouldn’t I have told her that God loves her? But she was a college student. She may have believed in God, but I quickly surmised that she would not have found such words even comforting, and who said she even wanted to be comforted? Hadn’t I ignored Mama’s warnings from the Bible when I announced decades ago that I was planning to live with my boyfriend after graduation?
It even crossed my mind that I should try to bump into the student worker again, and say more. I could visit the student union around the same time and day that I had first ran into her, and hopefully, she would be working. I wondered in vain had I totally missed the mark in my reply to her?
Had my words sustained her? Shouldn’t I have told her about social media groups? And gamers, even though I knew nothing about their world? As I pondered, I believed such options were better than what I had said because she could find friends there even if they only existed in the virtual world. At least there, she would have someone — a friend or two, wouldn’t she?
Luckily, I finally concluded that I had indeed said the right words for the right time because she always would have herself to depend on. Yes, she was her own best friend, and she had her own back.
Still I found myself wondering what was the story behind her story? Friends had always come easily for me. But what if they hadn’t? What if I was in her shoes? Again, I felt pain, anguish, at such a thought, and at her predicament.
WHAT HAD HAPPENED?
Why hadn’t anyone reached out to her — ever — before? Was it because she was overweight? Or was being overweight the result of having no friends? You know, the chicken and the egg, which came first?
And then maybe, just maybe, she had friends when she was little? Or once upon a time?
Finally I had to let it go — instead of stalking her, I put her story on the shelf until I would share it one day. That day is today. It is now.
I realized that the student worker’s dilemma, and dare I label it as such, is also something many of us experience when we first come online. We may have no friends in the virtual world as newbies — particularly, as budding entrepreneurs — either.
Disregarding the tendency to keep up with the Joneses in the virtual world, or virtual society, we must be authentic if we are to succeed as budding or seasoned online leaders. But pray tell, where do we start when the online world offers us global access to finding friends? And please note: These friends may come in the form of colleagues and partners, and friendships may even spill over into the real world one day.
But — how do we build relationships in the virtual world and learn how to navigate it at the same time? To succeed, you must have honesty and integrity. You must also accept that just like in the real world, friends — or those whom you thought were your friends — can betray you in the virtual world. Even worse, that betrayal can spill over into the real world, reeking havoc on your reputation or worse.
Having a true friend is like having another sibling. He or she is someone whereby you can pick up the phone and call their number even if you have not spoken in months or even years, and behold, it is just like resuming a conversation. Time has stood still because friendship endures.
True friends and true relationships are true blessings — both in the real and virtual world.
MENTORSHIP
I recommend having a mentor if you are just starting out, and even if you have been navigating online as an entrepreneur or community leader, or whatever your career, for quite a time.
We should never stop learning, and we learn the best from one another. Not just by ourselves. Sure, we can always grab a book, listen to an audible, view a training, and attend a seminar. But to put theory into practice takes guidance.
You want to learn from someone who has walked your path before, and has the bruises and scars from the journey.
You want to learn from someone who has fallen but always got back up and persevered despite the challenges and obstacles. You want to learn from someone who is still learning and still succeeding, and moreover, provides you with invaluable feedback.
Being mentored also allows you to have partners-in-crime — other entrepreneurs who are in the boat with you, who are also members of your mentoring group. Not only do you learn from your mentor, but you also learn from one another, and the best thing is: Everybody wants one another to succeed!
I have met great colleagues in both mentoring groups I am in, and I consider them as friends.
TWO MENTORS IN MY LIFE
In Connie Ragen Green’s mentoring program, I have turned my life around, and upside down, as far as opening an online business, something I would have not perceived a year ago. And what I have learned from my mentor would have taken me years to learn on my own if I was that lucky. I have really learned a lot in her Syndication Optimization and Really Simple Authority Blogging programs.
Right now I am enjoying Connie’s book, Living the Mentored Life, about the power of having a mentor in your life, and how throughout her life, mentors led her to becoming the successful entrepreneur she is today. Just in case you think that you do not need a mentor to navigate anywhere, Connie will quickly change your mind.
I am also in another group that I enjoy with Angela Wills. I first joined her Accountability Challenge, whereby we list tasks each day on what we had written that we were going to do the prior day, and we attach an emoji to each task to show if we were successful or not. Then we list tasks we plan to accomplish that day. There is also a “notes” section if we want to elaborate. We rinse, and repeat. If we have a minimum of 20 posts in a month, we get some goodies.
By documenting what you are doing a regular basis, you are able to see if you are focusing on the right things and what you leave behind on the table, and that gives you a chance to redirect your focus. And I also joined her FreedomPreneurs membership, and you can do so, too.
When it comes to building relationships, there are also affiliates. They are your relationship-building partners. You have the opportunity to recommend their products and programs that you believe will help others in their journey, and/or vice versa. In the near future, I will write a blog about affiliate marketing and how it makes a difference in growing and enhancing your online business. Affiliate marketing = leveraging your resources. And that is always a win-win situation!
HAVING FRIENDS
Having friends in your life, whether online or in the real world, whether close friends or colleagues and partners, whether many or only a few — even one, makes all the difference in us becoming successful. Having a mentor leverages and compounds that success!
Next time in the real world, if you see someone who is sitting alone, invite them to join you, or ask if you can join them. Do not hesitate to talk with individuals living in the wallflower zone when you can. Provide a kind gesture, even just a smile, when you have the opportunity. In our world of billions of people, we are considered some of the loneliest creatures on earth. And we're hearing more and more that having social interaction actually prolongs our life, and of course, enriches it. That is why I encourage you to take advantage of opportunities to reach out to others in the real and virtual world.
I encourage you to find a mentor, and let your mentor serve as your guide and a friend for life! Also take advantage of getting to know colleagues in your mentoring program or group, even at seminars and workshops. Never, never stop learning in life, and never stop being mentored in life. And always, always pay it forward!
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I’m Ruth Anita Foote, an award-winning journalist, historian, author, and online entrepreneur — passionate about helping you enhance your business, career, and lifestyle. Whether you need writing, editing, research, or online business development, I’m here to support your growth. My goal is to empower you to elevate your success and make a lasting impact in your field. You can connect to all my social media platforms through Linktr.ee
