Time ticked away, but he did not fear time that night. Perhaps, he ordered another drink at the bar, or just sat in silence, somewhat defiant, as seconds turned into minutes.
The homeless man did not worry about his looming curfew, nor an imaginary coach turning into a pumpkin. His mode of transportation had been his two feet in recent months or years, and his life was nowhere near a fairytale.
He had a decision to make, time waits for no one, and perhaps, he decided to let time make it for him. But he knew, as everyone knows that by not making a decision, you are making a decision, nonetheless. We cannot fool ourselves when we allow time to run out.
I heard about his decision in the aftermath, in the days that followed, from his friend James who had first introduced him to me in hopes that there was another slot available for him.
All decisions have consequences, made with conviction or not, and it was no different for Thomas. It cost him his cot in the men’s shelter that night. He may have thought he would only be one night without a bed to sleep in, but it ended up being several nights that he had to find a place to lay his head.
Unlike Thomas, the other homeless men were not willing to give up their cots, their only resemblance of home, and made the decision to adhere to the shelter’s curfew.
And yet, I understood Thomas’ decision. It was not a decision that I or others would have necessarily made in such a situation. But — I understood and realized that the homeless man’s decision was no different that the detrimental decisions that everyone makes whether we have a roof over our head or not. Whether we stay in a toxic job or relationship, and more, we are making decisions day in, day out. And like the homeless man’s decision, they will have consequences.
But what makes us make such decisions that we know can be detrimental to our health, our essence? I could say that we are fallible, imperfect beings. Then how can we minimize our actions, and ensure that we do not make such decisions in the first place?
Read on…
First, Thomas and James — not their real names, of course — were our neighbors. They lived at the men’s shelter across the street from the nonprofit organization where I worked. Our mandate was to help the disadvantaged population, from low-income individuals, families, seniors on fixed incomes, disabled persons, children at risk, and anyone who had fallen between society’s cracks in life. But that depended on whether we had the revenue to do so. We were mostly federally funded, and had been part of President Lyndon B. Johnson’s Great Society Programs.
Since phone usage was not allowed at the men’s shelter, the homeless guys would saunter over to our office to use the client phone, usually on their way to the public library a few blocks away, or before and after the diner opened for free meals. Some of these men had been discarded by life, and probably considered as bums, but had defended our country, and witnessed horrors that the human mind cannot process. Whether a veteran or not, others were unofficial mental cases and/or drug addicts, and could not afford rehab even if they wanted it or not. Nor could many hold a job even if they wanted one or not. Of course, there are always those who try to get over the system, as is also human nature, whether you have a roof over your head or not. Moreover, many of them had had problems with the law, had served time, but still welcomed a cell because it meant a bed and a meal, especially during cold weather.
But our nonprofit staff followed the Golden Rule, along with the mandated federal and state guidelines, and tried to offer small programs that would also bring joy to their lives, such as our Christmas Without Walls, which provided hot chocolate and cookies, and wrapped gifts of gloves, hats and shawls for the winter months.
Yet always, we always had a wish list, and dreamed about creating more creative programs that would become the change agent in our clients’ lives. When President Obama sent stimulus funds to the states, we got our chance to become Santa Claus even if was only for a brief moment in time.
One of the programs we implemented was the Painting Crew, which I supervised even though I was in charge of grants and communications. Our goal was three-fold: hire a certified contractor to provide painting skills so the unemployed workers could leverage their training for future employment, pay them a stipend so that they had startup money that would also boost their confidence to proceed forward, and to give our old buildings, particularly our preschool centers, a much needed painting facelift. It was a win-win-win situation.
Thomas and James were two of the men who had eagerly responded to our call for applicants. I only wished we had more funds so that we could hire all the men who wanted to work, and provide more weeks for them to work. There is a misconception that the unemployed — particularly, homeless people — do not want to work. But we witnessed the opposite that year.
We also leveraged our stimulus funding to provide community computer classes, which included setting goals, developing self-esteem, completing résumés, and understanding social media. Remember, this was a time when cell phones were not commonplace. We provided workshops on starting and operating businesses. Individuals, who had mom-and-pop businesses or side hustles, were interested but knew little about budgeting, finances, credit repair, etc. We had programs for family development, and wayward young adult men. We offered apprentice business development, pairing entrepreneurial hopefuls when community business mentors.
It was probably after his first paycheck that Thomas forfeited his curfew. And that was one reason I understood his decision. Men are men, and most men live by a code. I am not trying to be sexist, but that is just how things are. It does not mean women do not also live by a code. But we do see things differently just like best-selling author John Gray wrote about in his popular book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
After reading that book, I finally, and I do mean finally, understood why men preferred to drive around endlessly in circles instead of stop at one of the dozens of convenient stores we’ve passed, and simply ask for directions. There are always exceptions to the rule, but I’ve been in enough scenarios to witness it up close and in person.
There comes a time in one’s life when you make a decision in life, no matter if others consider it as rash, and you own it. You take the steps to buy back your confidence, your dignity — as a man. And once again, this does not mean women do not experience the same, but not like men. I have found out, and witnessed, how much men define their worth by their job. No job, often no self-esteem. Such was the case, I do believe, with Thomas.
I believe as the seconds turned into minutes, a defiant Thomas ignored the curfew and took back his self esteem. He made a decision. He owned it.
But once again, decisions have consequences.
I asked ChatGPT: Why? Why do we make wrong decisions when trouble lurks around the corner? Here are its responses:
REASONS WHY WE MAKE WRONG DECISIONS (EVEN WHEN TROUBLE AWAITS)
1. Desire for Control – Wanting to feel in charge, even if it means risking comfort or safety.
2. Addiction – Substances cloud judgment and drive impulsive decisions.
3. Pride – Not wanting to appear weak, even to themselves.
4. Trauma & PTSD – Past pain distorts perceptions of risk and consequence.
5. Peer Pressure – Trying to maintain a certain image among peers.
6. Hopelessness – Feeling like the outcome doesn’t matter because life already feels lost.
7. Momentary Escape – Craving just one night of feeling “normal” or free.
8. Anger or Rebellion – Resisting rules and authority as a form of protest.
9. Mental Health Issues – Depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia can impact decisions.
10. Lack of Positive Role Models – No blueprint for making constructive choices.
11. Instant Gratification – Choosing pleasure now over consequences later.
12. Invisibility – Believing no one cares, so actions have no weight.
13. Exhaustion from Routine – The monotony of shelter life can become unbearable.
14. Self-Sabotage – Feeling undeserving of help or better outcomes.
15. Belief in “Luck” – Hoping things will work out without facing the odds realistically.
Thomas may have been a victim (and I do not believe victim is the right word here) of a few, or all of these reasons. They may have all factored into his decision. Or — they may have not.
But remember, we all make decisions like Thomas, whether we are men or women, and those decisions are made daily, as seconds turn into minutes, across our business, career and personal life. But — what can we do to minimize the impact when, or rather, before we make our decisions and their consequences are detrimental?
Back to ChatGPT:
WAYS TO BREAK FREE FROM BAD DECISION-MAKING
1. Reflect Before Reacting
Pause long enough to ask: Is this helping or hurting my future self? Emotional decisions often sabotage long-term goals.
2. Keep a Decision Journal
Document your key decisions and their outcomes. Over time, patterns will emerge — both good and bad — and you'll learn to correct course.
3. Get to the Root, Not Just the Result
Bad decisions often stem from fear, shame, or unresolved trauma. Addressing the root cause helps change behavior at the source.
4. Define Your Core Values
When decisions align with your values, they’re less likely to lead to regret. Know what matters most to you — in business, love, and life.
5. Set Micro-Goals
Big goals can feel overwhelming and lead to poor shortcuts. Break things into small, achievable steps that build confidence and consistency.
6. Create a Circle of Accountability
Surround yourself with people who challenge your thinking and call you out — lovingly — when you drift off track.
7. Replace “Either/Or” Thinking with “Both/And”
We often make bad decisions because we feel boxed into extremes. Reframing allows for nuance and creative solutions.
8. Delay Major Decisions
If you're tired, emotional, or under pressure — wait. A 24- or 48-hour pause can give clarity and prevent damage.
9. Limit Digital Distractions
Constant noise leads to impulsive decisions. Limit screen time, especially when facing important life or business choices.
10. Use Mindfulness or Meditation
Centering practices help you become aware of destructive thought patterns before they turn into destructive behaviors.
11. Build Systems, Not Just Willpower
Willpower fades — systems don’t. Create routines and structures that guide you toward better decisions automatically.
12. Learn from “Micro-Failures”
Instead of collapsing after a bad choice, use it as low-stakes training for higher-stakes moments. Fail small. Learn big.
13. Invest in Learning
Courses, coaching, books — the more you grow in wisdom and self-awareness, the better your decisions become across the board.
14. Heal Your Inner Critic
Many bad decisions stem from the belief that we’re not worthy or capable. Transform inner dialogue from sabotage to support.
15. Ask: “What Would the Future Me Want?”
Picture the version of you who already has peace, clarity, and success. What would “that you” choose today? Use your answer(s) as your guide.
I admired Thomas for owning his decision. We were all guilty of such behavior. But not all of us own it. For all I know, Thomas may have regretted his decision. He may have even doubted his decision as he made it. We are fallible, imperfect beings.
Just recently, CNN's Anderson Cooper interviewed a man who made a decision to quit a job he hated despite lots of debt, clear out his 401K account, buy and learn how to operate a boat, and travel the global high seas — after learning his pain was from a rare disease that has left him in agony at times. I am not sure if it is a fatal disease. But I will learn more. Like many people across the world after his video plans went viral, I plan to google and find his social media account so that I, too, can follow his adventures on the high seas that include his cat right there with him.
Like Thomas, he made a decision. He owned it.
And many understood. Admired. And followed him.
~ ~ ~
I’m Ruth Anita Foote, an award-winning journalist, historian, author, and online entrepreneur — passionate about helping you enhance your business, career, and lifestyle. Whether you need writing, editing, research, or online business development, I’m here to support your growth. My goal is to empower you to elevate your success and make a lasting impact in your field. You can connect to all my social media platforms through Linktr.ee
